Facing Fears—Doing it Anyway

I’ve been waking up with anxiety lately. I gave my notice at work and selected a “hit the road” date. I’ve saved enough money for at least eight months on the road. I’m getting my house ready to rent and going to go live in my RV fulltime until the money runs out, I get sick of it, or who knows what. I’m open to all the possibilities.

I’m excited. I can’t wait to have the freedom, to travel, to be on the open road, to visit family and friends, to be in nature.  But I’m also terrified. So many fears and anxieties go through my head.  What if I run out of money and need a job and can’t get one? What if something happens with my dog and she needs medical care that I can’t afford? What if I break down? What if something happens with my own health? What if I get out there and decide this life is not for me and I’ve got my house rented out and no place to come back to?

So much to fear.

But when I stop, calm my mind and look at each fret individually, the fear lessens. I will be ok. Even if my fears come true, I will find a way through them. Things might happen. Olive is 11. She’s going to need a vet whether I’m here in Portland or on the road.  My van might break down, but I have AAA. I might get lonely, but I can reach out to friends.

Back in 2003 I quit my social work job and became a freelance writer. I was scared then too, but I found a niche and made a really good living for 10 years. Then the economy changed, the recession hit and suddenly my income plummeted without warning. I struggled for a few years to get my feet back under me. But eventually I did. I ended up at a job that I never could have foreseen; a job that I loved, that paid well and offered lots of perks and security. That’s the job I just quit.

I could have stayed at that job. It’s a good company. I’m mostly happy there. But I know I want more. I have this desire for freedom, to work for myself again, to travel and live a simple lifestyle. I’m not getting any younger and I don’t want to wait until I retire to pursue this dream.

So here I go. I’m taking a leap. I’m facing my fears. I’m jumping into the unknown. That’s all life is, after all, isn’t it?