Life Changes, Hard Decisions

Life throws changes at you. After a wonderful month at La Pine State Park I came back to Portland for a few days to take care of some business and visit friends. My plan was to then start driving to Montana where I was to meet my brother for a week of exploring Glacier and Big Sky.

At 12 ½, Olive had been doing pretty well, but she’s been displaying little signs that her body is hurting and perhaps being on the road isn’t the best place for her right now.  Some days she could walk or hike 3-4 miles, other days she barely wanted to walk around the camp loop.

More and more, as I leave her in the van, she’s been howling and howling, feeling anxious to be left alone. Her back toes are dragging on the ground as she walks, the first signs of degenerative myelopathy. She’s already on meds for arthritis.

I’ve known for a while now that she’s deaf. She startles when I come into the van and she can’t hear me when I clap above her head. I’ve been keeping her on a leash when we’re hiking, so she can’t get lost from me.

She also hasn’t tolerated driving. After an hour or so, she gets whiney. The drive back to Portland from La Pine was pretty rough. It’s a four hour drive and the temps climbed into the 90s. Even with stops every 45 minutes or so, she seemed unable to get comfortable, whined and howled and panted. She seemed like she didn’t have the strength to push herself up to sit. Originally I was planning to sleep in my van in my driveway, (I have tenants in my house.) but with the weather so hot, there was no way the van would cool down enough to sleep. We booked a motel room. Even in the room, Olive was restless. Nothing I did seemed to comfort her.

The kicker came the next day, though. A friend was hosting a gathering in her backyard. It was too hot to leave Olive in the van, so I asked if I could bring her. She did great for a while, but then my friend leaned over her to say hello and Olive snapped at her. Olive has been known to show her teeth when she feels threatened, startled or boxed in, but this was a very calm gesture from a friend she’s met many times before. Snapping is not something she does, not to humans. About an hour later, another friend simply put his hand out and she snapped at that, as well. She was clearly trying to let us know she was uncomfortable. Likely in pain.

I think I’ve been in denial about her condition, because I want so badly to be taking this trip with her. We had to put off last year because of the pandemic and this was going to be the year we got to finally drive cross country and live life out on the road, true nomads.

The next day I started calling around to try and get a vet appointment, but one holdover from Covid is that veterinary appointments are hard to come by. I called around to every clinic in Portland and Vancouver and there were no openings. My vet could see me in a week. I was supposed to be hitting the road in two days to meet my brother. I would be far, far away in a week.

But I couldn’t imagine driving all the way to Montana with Olive in pain. I didn’t know what I would do if she snapped at my brother. Would I be able to enjoy myself, knowing that she’s miserable? I made the tough call to my brother. He was very sweet and understanding and we decided to put the trip off until Fall.

I then made plans to drive to the coast and spend a few days, to see how she would be if we traveled at a slower pace, just me and her with no one else’s agenda. She had a good day, then two bad days. The decision was clear. Olive is not doing well on the road and it’s time for me to come back to my home and let her live out the rest of her life in comfort.

When I finally did see the vet, she let me know that Olive is not only completely deaf, she’s starting to lose her eyesight as well. She said the snapping could be because she can’t really see or hear and is uncomfortable and anxious. She’s definitely got some arthritis pain, but at least there were no obvious signs of tooth or mouth issues, which was also a concern of mine.

So, we’ll be heading back to Portland and back in our house. I’m hoping we’ll be able to take short trips around the Pacific Northwest. I’ll still be blogging, sharing tips and interviewing solo women RVers for the podcast.

I am grateful that I have a home that I can return to. Grateful for whatever time I have left with my girl.