Not Leaving Day
Wednesday April 15th, 2020. Today was the day circled in my calendar. Today was the day I planned to drive out on my Travels with Squeaky journey. Today I planned to have my house cleaned out, my car off the road, my van packed and ready to go. But, today I am not heading out. Life has other plans.
There’s been many times in my life when I’ve made a decision, started to take steps in a direction and things just to fall into place. I remember when I quit my social work job to become a writer. I had very little experience writing for publications. I’d written a few articles for our local bi-monthly gay newspaper Just Out. I’d taken a story idea I’d been assigned for that paper and pitched it to a national magazine. That led to more assignments from the magazine, which led to a gig at a top 10 website and eventually a column in that magazine. The column became popular and that led to speaking gigs and travel invitations and book deals. I never could have imagined when I started out writing that first article about lesbians and breast cancer that it would lead to emceeing San Francisco Gay Pride or being a guest on an Olivia cruise or a morning talk show in Vancouver. I just knew that I wanted to move in a new direction, to become a writer. I knew that if I failed, I could always get another social work job.
Which isn’t to say, it was a straight path. I also took steps in directions that did not turn into anything. I tried writing for a frugal living website and after months of work and trying to build an audience, I only earned about $15. I got a copywriting gig for an ad agency that I hoped would turn into more. It didn’t. I started writing for a feminist magazine just before it folded. I pitched a lot of travel stories to mainstream publications, but couldn’t seem to break into that market.
Like when I decided to become a writer, once I started taking steps to head out on this Travels with Squeaky journey, things also started to fall into place. My first stop was Eugene. A friend wanted me to come to a “Death Café” with her. It’s a discussion group that wants to normalize conversations about death and dying. “Awesome, something cool to write about, “ I thought.
Then a woman from one of my Facebook RV groups invited me to speak at a nudist resort about my book and being an ally to the LGBTQ community. More to write about! Plus, opportunities to share from and sell my book. She introduced me to a librarian in a nearby community and I got booked to speak there. Which set me in motion to start contacting other libraries along my route and set up talks/book events. Friends were planning to meet me in Lake Tahoe. Another wanted to host a joint book event in San Francisco. I lined up a super sweet place to stay right on the beach in San Diego. I had a renter all set up in my house for six months.
All these things started to fall into place just by making a decision to start my journey and taking actions to put things into motion. Then COVID-19 hit. And one by one the speaking gigs got canceled, campgrounds and RV parks closed, my renter pulled out. At first I resisted, “I’m still going on this journey!” But as more and more things shut down and I began to realize the actual negative impact my traveling would have, it became clear that I would not be traveling with Squeaky any time soon.
When people would ask me where I planned to go on my trip, I told them I had a rough idea, but I wanted to be open to what opportunities presented themselves to me. Would I stop for a while and work on an election campaign, get a camp host job at a state park, meet up with people from some of my Facebook RV groups? I wanted to be open new experiences and what the universe presented me.
Well, here I am. The universe has presented me with an unexpected opportunity. I don’t know what my future travel will look like. I know if and when I do travel, some of the innocence of the original trip will be gone. There’s a lot of suffering and anxiety and real hardship that millions of people are facing right now. The world is a different place.
There’s a big roadblock in my path right now. I’m just sitting here trying to decide, do I wait until the block is removed, do I turn around and go back, do I try to see what different path might emerge for me? More will be revealed. I only know today was supposed to be moving day and I am sitting still.
